Feeling alive

I finally don't need to struggle in order to be happy. For the first time in my life I feel that I might have that stability I so desperately needed. Nothing else matters when I am with him and it's such a nice feeling. All problems, worries fade away as I am kissing and looking in his eyes. I really wish this will never end. He came in a moment I was least expecting, in a moment when I was a total wreck. I had no sense of direction, no idea what I wanted or where was I going. So incredibly lost, confused, broken, sad, hopeless.
I used to write when I was overwhelmed with sadness and despair. Always talking about the same thing. It was my only way of expressing myself, of relieving all the hatred I felt inside. Now it's different. I'm different. I feel different. I've changed a lot in these past 3 years. But I've found my old self. It wasn't lost, although I strongly believed so. I never thought I could feel happy again. Happiness was such an unknown feeling for me, something that I could never feel. I didn't have any reasons to be happy. Happiness makes me feel alive. I now feel alive every time I take a breath of air. The air is now clean. I feel clean.
I also used to feel insecure. I was perfectly aware why I felt that way. I had such a low self esteem because I felt that nobody was listening to me and nobody cared. Ever since high-school I was constantly feeling depressed. I have been wasting so many nights with writing, crying, screaming in my pillow, cutting. These were the only actions I felt that kept me alive. But they've now scarred me for life. I will always remember those times. However, I am in a constant process of accepting them and being happy with what I have now.
I finally feel free. Because of the things he told me.