Where to now?

You thought you were fine. Until one day. Or night in my case. Pretending is what I do best. Pretending even to myself. Some things just can't be said out loud. They're meant to stay deep down. Yet when they surface, they do so with such an incredible force that they crush everything.
Another sleepless night. "I love you" whispered in the bright, white night. For the first time in my life. I meant it. Too bad it fell on deaf ears. It will always be the same. I keep bruising myself. Every single, fucking day of my existence. I will never be complete again. I will never feel entirely happy ever again.
You feel stuck. Inside your mind, your thoughts. You are hurting. You are hurting so bad it kills you on the inside. Words are not enough to describe this feeling. Nobody can fully listen or understand for they wish to pretend everything is fine. They want to show you that "everything is great, enjoy your life because it's awesome". But it's not. It can't be. It won't be. Will it ever be?
There are moments when you can't stand it anymore. But you have no idea what to do to make it go away. In those moments you are completely alone for nobody can comfort you. Although sometimes miracles do happen, but they're over and it's highly unlikely they will happen again. Are those moments never to happen again? Are you left alone with your hurt? Or even worse, you need to pretend that things are "okay"? That is the thing that scares you the most.
Oh well, this is your life, Emma. I would have expected some acceptance by now. But of course, acceptance is just around the corner. Yet you can't expect me to embrace my fate so easily. I will. One day. Some day. Maybe. I don't know. I really don't know.